On December 14th, 2013, the Orange County Choppers paid us a visit. Watch the Horrors show the guys that they might want to stick to riding on two wheels…
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Jim, aka The Mighty Quim: Hey, do you do Roller Derby?
Sonic Roller Skater: I don’t really do Roller Derby. Have you ever done it?
Jim, aka The Mighty Quim: No, but I will.
Sonic Roller Skater: Will you? It’s hard stuff.
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Jim, aka The Mighty Quim: It’s up in Kingston, The Hudson Valley Horrors.
Steve, aka The Sleeve: Let me make sure the workman’s comp insurance is up to par before you go do that.
Jim, aka The Mighty Quim: When we were at Sonic and saw the waitress come out on roller skates, it kind spurt an idea about roller derby against one of the local team here.
Jason Pohl, aka Whirl Pohl: Are you serious?
Jim, aka The Mighty Quim: Yeah! You’d do it right?
Christian, aka The Shocker: I’d do it, yeah! I’d love to get my ass kicked by a bunch of girls.
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Jim, aka The Mighty Quim: Alright, so what we’re gonna do is a little roller derby.
Paul Sr, aka The Stache: What are these girls, are they like professionals?
Jim, aka The Mighty Quim: They are professional roller derby.
Paul Sr, aka The Stache: Ever since we went to Sonic, Jim got this roller derby thing in his head and he not letting up, so I guess we’re doing roller derby.
Jim, aka The Mighty Quim: Now, they’re asking for nicknames.
Christian, aka The Shocker: I want mine to be The Shocker. I do alot of wiring.
Paul Sr, aka The Stache: Give me a nickname.
Jason Pohl, aka Whirl Pohl: Larry
Christian, aka The Shocker: Furry kitten.
Jim, aka The Mighty Quim: The Stache.
Evan, aka The Epidural: Call me The Epidural.
Jim, aka The Mighty Quim: The roller derby names that the girls have they’re all really tough and emote a feeling of terror in the opponent. Hopefully when we roll out there with these nicknames on our backs, the girls don’t take it as too much of a joke.
Jason Pohl, aka Whirl Pohl: I want to be Thumper the Humper
Jim, aka The Mighty Quim: How about me? The Mighty Quim. We’re gonna get some t-shirts made up and see what we can do on the court, or derby, or track or whatever you would call the roller derby floor.
Christian, aka The Shocker: I can tell you right now you’re getting your ass kicked.
Evan, aka The Epidural: I can guarantee you I’m getting my ass kicked.
Paul Sr, aka The Stache: Alright, I’m in.
Jason Pohl, aka Whirl Pohl: I can’t even skate.
Jim, aka The Mighty Quim: Yeah, we’ll push you around.
Evan, aka The Epidural: I already feel pain.
…
Horrors: Pack it up! Pack it up!
Evan, aka The Epidural: Oh God, we’re dead!
Paul Sr, aka The Stache: While the Sonic bike is finishing up paint and powder coat, Jim organized a little friendly competition between OCC and the local roller derby team.
Jim, aka The Mighty Quim: Why are there so many of them.
Evan, aka The Epidural: I think we’re in trouble boys.
Puffy Bangs: Welcome to our house, we are the Hudson Valley Horrors. You guys think you’re good on two wheels, wait until you see what we can do on eight. You look a little intimidated, you alright there.
Puffy Bangs: I am so pleased to introduce the derby world to The Epidural, Shocker come on up, The Sleeve, The Mighty Quim.
Evan, aka The Epidural: Jim comes up with some really weird ideas… roller derby in the middle of the day.
Christian, aka The Shocker: Thank you.
Evan, aka The Epidural: But they’re always fun so we’re just gonna go with it.
Puffy Bangs: Can I have The Stache come forward please. Anyone, anyone.
Christian, aka The Shocker: We’ve done some interesting things at OCC over the years but the roller derby is definitely at the top of the list.
Puffy Bangs: Let’s get our gear on. Horrors grab yourself an OCC buddy and help them out.
Evan, aka The Epidural: They’re ready for battle, I can tell that right off the bat. When they handed us the mouthguard, that’s when I was like, this is pretty serious and I’m probably gonna get hurt.
Puffy Bangs: Stache thinks these boys are ready for some derby action, what do you girls think?
Horrors: Cheering!
Puffy Bangs: Roller derby is not an easy sport, we take this seriously, we train really hard, we’re competitive.
RxyRamalotte: 3, 2, 1
OCC: Yelling from the pack…
Johnny: Basically the game works, you have one jammer and four blockers. The jammer is kind of like the running back of a football team and their job is to get their way through the pack and lap everybody else. All the blockers have to basically block all the other players and make a gap for you so you can skate through the other team and lap the other team. When you lap the other team, you score points.
OCC & Horrors: Lots of yelling from the pack and the bench.
Rxy Ramalotte: Jammer on, jammer on.
Evan, aka The Epidural: We were in the first round it was pretty terrible, we got our asses handed to us.
Rxy Ramalotte: No, do not chase her:
Christian, aka The Shocker: They’re really tough. We’re like a bunch of newborn dear trying to run on ice.
Rxy Ramalotte: Get up, up, up, up. Get back out there. Pick it up. Come on. Where are you panties. Give me all your panties.
Paul Sr, aka The Stache: I’ve done a lot of crazy things in my time, but I’m not gonna add roller derby to my list. I’m gonna sit back and watch a bunch of girls beat the crap out of my guys.
Rxy Ramalotte: Man up on the red team. Be sticky and annoying. You have the annoying down.
Johnny: By the time the first round was over, we were already losing by like 30 points. When the whistle blew, I just went for it.
Christian, aka The Shocker: Go Johnny go.
Rxy Ramalotte: Yes, yes, yes… use your blockers
Johnny: We pushed through and we actually got some points.
Evan, aka The Epidural: So Johnny finally started to score some points, we’re all pretty pumped up and motivated that we were going to be shut out by a bunch of girls.
Rxy Ramalotte: Alright guys this is our last jam. We’re down 73 points, score is 76 to 3 right now. We’re gonna score another 74 points.
OCC: 1, 2, 3. OCC 911!!
Christian, aka The Shocker: I’m going in, I got a plan. When the whistle blew, I just went as fast as I can, full throttle, I think I was using illegal moves.
Evan, aka The Epidural: He didn’t care who was in his way, he was getting through them.
Christian, aka The Shocker: It’s definitely weird pushing girls around, but that’s what roller derby is about. We had to do what we had to do to score some points. They were really cool with us, I don’t think they took it easy on us, I can tell you that. I just want to thank the Hudson Valley Horrors for having us here and beating our asses a little bit. That was awesome, we should do it again some time, maybe come to our shop and kick your asses at something we’re good at.
