Hudson Valley Horrors roller derby is proud to announce our very own, Pinky Swears, will be skating with Team Portugal in this year’s Roller Derby World Cup!

Pinky Swears, #2, is HVHRD’s very own league President, co-owner, travel team Captain, coach, mentor, and a long time veteran skater. Dec. 4-7th, Pinky will meet up with skaters from around the world, in Dallas, Texas.

When Pinky realized her Portuguese citizenship could make her eligible to tryout for Team Portugal, she was more than thrilled and is incredibly honored to be part of something as big as the Roller Derby World Cup.

Pinky and Team Portugal need your help, as flying the team from Portugal to the U.S. for the cup is expensive. The skaters have already been traveling extensively to practice together and every contribution helps.

Please support Team Portugal as they compete against the top competitors (and HVHRD’s own Pinky Swears) in the world by donating here.

On December 14th, 2013, the Orange County Choppers paid us a visit. Watch the Horrors show the guys that they might want to stick to riding on two wheels…

…

Jim, aka The Mighty Quim: Hey, do you do Roller Derby?

Sonic Roller Skater: I don’t really do Roller Derby. Have you ever done it?

Jim, aka The Mighty Quim: No, but I will.

Sonic Roller Skater: Will you? It’s hard stuff.

…

Jim, aka The Mighty Quim: It’s up in Kingston, The Hudson Valley Horrors.

Steve, aka The Sleeve: Let me make sure the workman’s comp insurance is up to par before you go do that.

Jim, aka The Mighty Quim: When we were at Sonic and saw the waitress come out on roller skates, it kind spurt an idea about roller derby against one of the local team here.

Jason Pohl, aka Whirl Pohl: Are you serious?

Jim, aka The Mighty Quim: Yeah! You’d do it right?

Christian, aka The Shocker: I’d do it, yeah! I’d love to get my ass kicked by a bunch of girls.

…

Jim, aka The Mighty Quim: Alright, so what we’re gonna do is a little roller derby.

Paul Sr, aka The Stache: What are these girls, are they like professionals?

Jim, aka The Mighty Quim: They are professional roller derby.

Paul Sr, aka The Stache: Ever since we went to Sonic, Jim got this roller derby thing in his head and he not letting up, so I guess we’re doing roller derby.

Jim, aka The Mighty Quim: Now, they’re asking for nicknames.

Christian, aka The Shocker: I want mine to be The Shocker. I do alot of wiring.

Paul Sr, aka The Stache: Give me a nickname.

Jason Pohl, aka Whirl Pohl:  Larry

Christian, aka The Shocker: Furry kitten.

Jim, aka The Mighty Quim: The Stache.

Evan, aka The Epidural: Call me The Epidural.

Jim, aka The Mighty Quim: The roller derby names that the girls have they’re all really tough and emote a feeling of terror in the opponent. Hopefully when we roll out there with these nicknames on our backs, the girls don’t take it as too much of a joke.

Jason Pohl, aka Whirl Pohl: I want to be Thumper the Humper

Jim, aka The Mighty Quim: How about me? The Mighty Quim. We’re gonna get some t-shirts made up and see what we can do on the court, or derby, or track or whatever you would call the roller derby floor.

Christian, aka The Shocker: I can tell you right now you’re getting your ass kicked.

Evan, aka The Epidural: I can guarantee you I’m getting my ass kicked.

Paul Sr, aka The Stache: Alright, I’m in.

Jason Pohl, aka Whirl Pohl: I can’t even skate.

Jim, aka The Mighty Quim: Yeah, we’ll push you around.

Evan, aka The Epidural: I already feel pain.

…

Horrors: Pack it up! Pack it up!

Evan, aka The Epidural: Oh God, we’re dead!

Paul Sr, aka The Stache: While the Sonic bike is finishing up paint and powder coat, Jim organized a little friendly competition between OCC and the local roller derby team.

Jim, aka The Mighty Quim: Why are there so many of them.

Evan, aka The Epidural: I think we’re in trouble boys.

Puffy Bangs: Welcome to our house, we are the Hudson Valley Horrors. You guys think you’re good on two wheels, wait until you see what we can do on eight. You look a little intimidated, you alright there.

Puffy Bangs: I am so pleased to introduce the derby world to The Epidural, Shocker come on up, The Sleeve, The Mighty Quim.

Evan, aka The Epidural: Jim comes up with some really weird ideas… roller derby in the middle of the day.

Christian, aka The Shocker: Thank you.

Evan, aka The Epidural: But they’re always fun so we’re just gonna go with it.

Puffy Bangs: Can I have The Stache come forward please. Anyone, anyone.

Christian, aka The Shocker: We’ve done some interesting things at OCC over the years but the roller derby is definitely at the top of the list.

Puffy Bangs: Let’s get our gear on. Horrors grab yourself an OCC buddy and help them out.

Evan, aka The Epidural: They’re ready for battle, I can tell that right off the bat. When they handed us the mouthguard, that’s when I was like, this is pretty serious and I’m probably gonna get hurt.

Puffy Bangs: Stache thinks these boys are ready for some derby action, what do you girls think?

Horrors: Cheering!

Puffy Bangs: Roller derby is not an easy sport, we take this seriously, we train really hard, we’re competitive.

RxyRamalotte: 3, 2, 1

OCC: Yelling from the pack…

Johnny: Basically the game works, you have one jammer and four blockers. The jammer is kind of like the running back of a football team and their job is to get their way through the pack and lap everybody else. All the blockers have to basically block all the other players and make a gap for you so you can skate through the other team and lap the other team. When you lap the other team, you score points.

OCC & Horrors: Lots of yelling from the pack and the bench.

Rxy Ramalotte: Jammer on, jammer on.

Evan, aka The Epidural: We were in the first round it was pretty terrible, we got our asses handed to us.

Rxy Ramalotte: No, do not chase her:

Christian, aka The Shocker: They’re really tough. We’re like a bunch of newborn dear trying to run on ice.

Rxy Ramalotte: Get up, up, up, up. Get back out there. Pick it up. Come on. Where are you panties. Give me all your panties.

Paul Sr, aka The Stache: I’ve done a lot of crazy things in my time, but I’m not gonna add roller derby to my list. I’m gonna sit back and watch a bunch of girls beat the crap out of my guys.

Rxy Ramalotte: Man up on the red team. Be sticky and annoying. You have the annoying down.

Johnny: By the time the first round was over, we were already losing by like 30 points. When the whistle blew, I just went for it.

Christian, aka The Shocker: Go Johnny go.

Rxy Ramalotte: Yes, yes, yes… use your blockers

Johnny: We pushed through and we actually got some points.

Evan, aka The Epidural: So Johnny finally started to score some points, we’re all pretty pumped up and motivated that we were going to be shut out by a bunch of girls.

Rxy Ramalotte: Alright guys this is our last jam. We’re down 73 points, score is 76 to 3 right now. We’re gonna score another 74 points.

OCC: 1, 2, 3. OCC 911!!

Christian, aka The Shocker: I’m going in, I got a plan. When the whistle blew, I just went as fast as I can, full throttle, I think I was using illegal moves.

Evan, aka The Epidural: He didn’t care who was in his way, he was getting through them.

Christian, aka The Shocker: It’s definitely weird pushing girls around, but that’s what roller derby is about. We had to do what we had to do to score some points. They were really cool with us, I don’t think they took it easy on us, I can tell you that. I just want to thank the Hudson Valley Horrors for having us here and beating our asses a little bit. That was awesome, we should do it again some time, maybe come to our shop and kick your asses at something we’re good at.

What has been your favorite bout? Why?

Skating in the cold up in Ithaca. Our managers were awesome, the other team was friendly as hell, and one of their jammers told our managers that I was her “nemesis” all night long, not letting her get past me on the inside line. After finding out what nemesis meant, (yeah I didn’t know!),  I was thrilled to be acknowledged that way.

What is your most memorable derby moment?

While jamming in our meat grinder with the Hellions of Troy, I knocked the other jammer down on the line and got lead jammer. Then I was sent to the box for a penalty, and even after serving my time, I still scored 18 points.

What celebrity would you want to be friends with?

Ellen Degeneres. She always makes me laugh and she seems to be straight up with what she says and believes in. Her honesty and confidence in herself is inspiring as hell.

What movie(s) can you watch over and over and never get sick of?

Alice in Wonderland, The Trial of Billy Jack, Braveheart, and Saving Private Ryan

What was the first pair of wheels you owned?

Probably wooden ones!! Seriously, they were some of the first polyurethane wheels that came out in the late 60’s-early 70’s.

What inspired you to join roller derby?

I wanted to do it as a kid, but roller derby died out by the time I got old enough to play on a team. When I found out derby was alive again, and there was a team right here in the Hudson Valley, I couldn’t wait to join even though it had been 35 years since I last skated.

How did you come up with your name?

One of my aliases is Snail and I wanted to somehow use it. So one of my teammates, Pin-Up Ghoul actually helped me.

Who is your favorite derby player?

Lacerated. It’s exciting to watch her skate with such speed and grace, and all the while, fooling her opponents with her intoxicating smile. I like seeing the shock on their faces when she jumps around them or hits them with all her might, proving that she’s not just another pretty face on the track, but someone who knows and loves the game, and with the ability to be an awesome athlete.

What do you think is the biggest misconception fans have about roller derby?

That all derby players are angry women, needing to prove something. While every sport has players who need to prove something, we also have happy, teachers, nurses, professional business women, students, mothers, sisters, aunts, and grandmothers, all who want to just play a full contact sport.

The HVHRDL participated in the Walk to End Alzheimer’s in Montgomery, NY at Thomas Bull Memorial Park on Saturday September 29, 2012.  We were able to partake in not only walking with our banner held up high leading the march, but also held the ribbon for the ribbon cutting ceremony.  Fun was had by all even with Slam ‘n Sway who wasn’t able to walk (due to a non-roller derby injury :), but manned our information table.

Congratulations to our business card winner, Richard Churchill from St. Luke’s Cornwall hospital!  He won 2 tickets to our home bout at Hyde Park Roller Magic on October 14, a double header against Ithaca League of Women Rollers.

We have been invited back to lead next years Walk to End Alzheimer’s and are looking forward to taking part in the event.

Alzheimer’s March 2012 Event Details

Event: Alzheimer’s March
Date: September 29st 2012
Time: 9:00 AM to 12:00 PM
Place: Thomas Bull Memorial Park, 211 Route 416 Montgomery, NY 12549
Press Contact: promotions@horrorsrollerderby.com

Tera Joules Center Back Row in 2009 with the zomBsquad

Tryouts are fast approaching and veteran skater Tera Joules takes a look back at her beginnings…

With a Little Help from a Friend…

If you told me 5 years ago that I would be knee deep in a revolution, I would raise my eyebrows. If you told me that revolution was a roller derby revolution, I would probably laugh so hard, I would pass out. Yet, here I am, so involved that there are few things involving the sport that I DO NOT know about! Most people who join, recall their experience as something they knew they were going to do the minute they saw it being played. My story went a little differently…

I started playing roller derby because my best friend, Spazzy Smackahoe, made me. She begged me to go to tryouts with her. When the time came, I blew her off. I thought the idea was ludicrous, and lended her my support instead. When she finally came around to bouting, I came to her game and watched in horror (no pun intended). One of the players on the team ended up with a broken nose, and many of the skaters took crazy falls. I wasn’t surprised my best friend was involved in this, she was a free spirit and was THAT friend; the friend that always did the crazy things. I spent a lot of my early 20’s vicariously living through her. I was too much of a chicken to ever do any of those things.

After Spazzy’s game, she urged me to try out in the winter; there was another round of tryouts and I could redeem myself in her eyes by not blowing off tryouts. I told her that since I had seen a game, it sort of became a concrete decision that I would not EVER play roller derby.  “Come on!! you’re so athletic! you’ll love it!” I rolled my eyes and we carried on.

All it Takes is a Little Convincing on Skates…

Months had gone by and I had evaded the topic of roller derby. I was able to live my carefully planned out life in peace. As soon as February rolled around, we went to open skate. I had always been a blader-I could skate fast on blades, very fast, but I had never mastered the stopping aspect, I used to just wear elbow and knee pads, and throw myself into the ground in order to stop. My first experience on quads was eventful, I was very unbalanced and scared, but I caught on rather quickly, everything but that whole “stopping” thing.

Reluctantly I went to tryouts. I don’t have one of those “I heard about it and knew I had to be on the team” stories that everyone else seems to have. I did NOT want to be on the team. I went to tryouts with one purpose in mind: skate, try hard, and then decide it wasn’t for me. I could appease Spazzy, she couldn’t be mad at me for trying, and I knew if I didn’t go, I’d be letting her down.

After hearing all about the sport and the commitment, I knew I wouldn’t be able to do it. I wanted to be a doctor! I had to study! I was taking my first round of intense science classes that semester, how was I supposed to have the time to skate and learn about the body, chemistry, immunology, etc.? When it was finally time to put skates on, I was terrified. We did some simple things. Toe stops (aka, me crashing into the wall), falls (I sure could fall, but I couldn’t get up again), and some basic skating. I was given a chance to watch practice for a few minutes, and the team was doing sprawls. I felt nervous that someday that could be me. I left feeling invigorated. I wanted to make it. I didn’t know if I would accept the invitation if I made it, but I wanted to.

I didn’t think it was a big deal. I continued my everyday life. After a week had gone by, I started to compulsively check my email. Maybe I didn’t make it after all. I knew one girl, another friend of Spazzys and she had not heard anything either. After a week and a half, a message was in my inbox. I had made the team.

On My Way to Learning the Skating Ropes…

I used a pair of crappy hand-me-down skates from a veteran skater, and some borrowed gear. After 2 practices, I was hooked. I had finally admitted to myself that I wanted this-even though it was scary and seemed dangerous. I went through my fresh meat program skipping practices only when I had to study for a test. I had some weird fire ignited in my heart-I wanted to be good at this! I had no expectations of the sport as a whole, I just wanted to try it! I wanted to be a jammer and I wanted to be respected by my team, something I knew I had to earn.

I Can’t Quit You Roller Derby

I never imagined I would become as passionate about roller derby as I have become. The impression of roller derby as a whole in society is far different than the roller derby I put in… blood, sweat, and tears into 3 nights a week, sometimes more. I love this sport. There’s no other way I could see myself living life. There are so many perks to being on a sports team; there is camaraderie, strategy, friendships, exercise, satisfaction, and a sense of accomplishment. The truth is, roller derby is not as dangerous as it looks. Those falls that create the “ooo!” or “ahhhh” are actually painless! They look horrible, but it’s just another day of endurance and stamina. I was terrified to join. I tried it anyway, and I learned so much more about the sport than I thought was possible. Every time someone is afraid, I tell them to try it. You have protective gear, and you learn how to use it. Roller Derby is slowly taking over the world, one skater at a time, are you ready to be part of the revolution?

Tryouts are August 20th & 23rd.  Contact join@horrorsrollerderby.com for more information.

As a member of the Hudson Valley Horrors Roller Derby League, we feel giving back to the community that supports us is very important. On May 19th, 2012 a few of us Volunteered to help out at the Womens Health Expo in Kingston.

R. Sovertits, S. Scar Go and myself (Jo-HELL NO) arrived at the Expo around 11:30-ish. It was a beautiful, hot day and  the parking lot at C. Clifford Miller Middle School in Kingston was packed with cars and the school was humming with women & children of all ages and backgrounds.  We met Victoria (Director of the Expo) and she put us to work. R. Sovertits worked the Registration table handing out the Expo goodie bags, T-Shirts and our Derby Try-Out Flyers (Try-Outs are in August 2012). S. Scar Go and I ran the Spa table upstairs.

The Vendors lined every hall wall, the gymnasium and the lunch room. There was so much information for WOMEN in one place, I was amazed. You could get a massage, acupuncture and energy healing at the Spa. There was a vendor next to us selling Stay-Cool cloths similar to Cooldannas (very awesome). There were  Seminars & Workshops, Healthy food cooking demos, exercise and fitness demos or you could view the art gallery and take a stroll thru the Book Nook which hosted the latest books on Womens health and fitness (take care of yourselves, ladies, there is only one YOU in this world). Oh, and the winner from NBC’s Biggest Loser Season 12 was there.

S. Scar Go and I didn’t have time to walk around, until we were relieved at 3:pm, since our table was so busy scheduling people for massages/acupuncture/energy healing. We met so many women, from all over the area, coming together to find something new whether it was energy food/bars, inner healing, cancer information or just something to do for themselves that day.

It was a fun, relaxing AND informational day. I can’t wait for next years Womens Health Expo!! I’ll definitely arrive early to check out ALL the vendors. A HUGE THANK YOU to Victoria and all the people that made the Womens Health Expo 2012 a success!!

We received this a few days later in our inbox (thanks so much!!)…

Once again – The Hudson Valley Horrors ROCKED!!!! Wow, how grateful I am to have your team there – so enthusiastic, fun and smart! You were all so busy with other commitments (a double-header!) but you made the time to be a part of the Expo and your help is appreciated more than you know.

Many, many thanks, ~ Victoria

Changing the Game: The GLSEN Sports Project

The Hudson Valley Horrors are proud to announce that we are the first women’s flat track roller derby league to be on board with the GLSEN Sports Project Team Respect Challenge!

We are a league of diversity much like all Roller Derby leagues. We accept and embrace all people to our sport willingly. Now we have the opportunity to be an example in our community and set a new standard for other leagues to follow.

Changing the Game: The GLSEN Sports Project is an education and advocacy initiative focused on addressing LGBT issues in K-12 school-based athletic and physical education programs. The Sport Project’s mission is to assist K-12 schools in creating and maintaining an athletic and physical education climate that is based on the core principles of respect, safety and equal access for all students, teachers and coaches regardless of sexual orientation or gender identity/expression and integrating these efforts into overall school plans to ensure a safe, respectful school climate and culture.

Our entire league (and soon our Junior league, The Frightmares) have signed on to be Team mates for respect. We are proud to stand alongside organizations like the NBA, WNBA and the National Association for Girls and Women in Sport (NAGWS) in support of the GLSEN Sports Project’s cause.

What Does It Mean To Take The Team Respect Challenge?
• Making a strong public team commitment to live the values of respect and inclusion for all team members, across differences such as race, sexual orientation, gender identity/expression or religion.
• Taking the Team Respect Challenge requires leadership and commitment from everyone on the team.
• Believing that Team Respect is a winning strategy: When all team members are respected, they perform to their highest potential.
• Treating all teammates with respect.
• Avoiding language that puts someone down because of differences such as race, sexual orientation,gender identity/expression or religion.
• Reminding teammates that name-calling and bullying are “not OK on our team.”
• Setting an example of Team Respect for opposing teams, fans and others in your community.

The Hudson Valley Horrors Roller Derby League is the first non-urban flat track women’s roller derby league in the world and is part of the grass-roots derby revival. We are owned by the skaters and are for the skaters!

We are proud member of the Women’s Flat track Derby Association since 2011.

Help Make the Derby Experience Even Better

The Women’s Flat Track Derby Association has released a survey to better understand the modern Roller Derby audience.  Voice your opinions about your local team and you will help improve the sport of Roller Derby as a whole!

Third time’s a charm!

The Hudson Valley Horrors are gearing up for our third installment of the Frightmares Junior Roller Derby Boot Camp!  We are calling young ladies between the ages of 12 and 17 to join in on the fun.

We welcome girls of all shapes and sizes to come out and join in the grass-roots derby revival that has become a global phenomenon! Roller Derby promotes a positive body image and encourages confidence! This is a great way of getting your girls out from in front of the television or computer, and down with doing some physical activities, all while having fun!

Our coaches are certified through the Youth Sports Institute of New York. Skaters will learn the basic rules of roller derby, as well as activities outside of the roller rink which will help to develop the “derby muscles” needed to improve performance on the track!

So come on out and get rolling!!’

Date(s): Tuesdays, March 1^st, 8^th, 15^th, 22^nd, 29^th and April 5^th

Time: 6:30-8:30 pm

Place: Roller Magic, 4178 Albany Post Road, Hyde Park NY 12538

Cost: $50 (includes skate and equipment rental)

For more information check out junior league roller derby or contact join@horrorsrollerderby.com

Would you like to be part of the world’s fastest growing sport? Tryout for Roller Derby!

The Hudson Valley Horrors are now recruiting for the 2011 season and we want YOU!

This is not Roller Derby from the 1970’s!  No staged fights or obstacle courses.  The Horrors skate under WFTDA (Women’s Flat Track Derby Association) which has streamlined Roller Derby into becoming a legitimate sport. “WFTDA promotes and fosters the sport of women’s flat track derby by facilitating the development of athletic ability and sportswomanship.”

Athleticism is encouraged and nurtured, and we are looking for women who are looking to be part of a team!

Maybe you want to shed some unwanted pounds and get toned.  Or you want to meet new people.  Or you are looking to let out some aggression while participating in an organized sport.  Roller Derby does all of that!  So grab a friend and come try out!

We are also looking for Referees and non-skating individuals to volunteer (male and female).

Although no experience is necessary, it is helpful.  You must be 18 or older to tryout.  Learn more about being a Horror from our website or if you know a Horror, ask her!

Important Details

Event: 2011 Hudson Valley Horror Tryouts

Date: February 21 and 24

Time: 7:30 to 10:00pm

Place: Roller Magic, 4178 Albany Post Road, Hyde Park, NY 12538

Tryout Contact: join@horrorsrollerderby.com

Hudson Valley Horrors Roller Derby is proud to announce that as of December 1st, 2010 we have been accepted as a member of The Women’s Flat Track Derby Association (WFTDA), the national governing body for women’s amateur flat track roller derby in the U.S.

We had so much fun the first time around, we are doing it again!

So invite your friends because the Hudson Valley Horrors, the world’s first non-urban, flat-track women’s roller derby league, is continuing its search for girls between the ages of 12-17 to be part of the Hudson Valley Frightmares Junior Roller Derby League!

We welcome girls of all shapes and sizes to come out and join in the grass-roots derby revival that has become a global phenomenon! Roller Derby promotes a positive body image and encourages confidence! This is a great way of getting your girls out from in front of the television or computer, and down with doing some physical activities, all while having fun!

Our coaches are certified through the Youth Sports Institute of New York. Skaters will learn the basic rules of roller derby, as well as activities outside of the roller rink which will help to develop the “derby muscles” needed to improve performance on the track!

So come on out and get rolling!!’

Date(s): Tuesdays, October 5^th, 12^th, 19^th, 26^th and November 2^nd and 9^th

Time: 6:30-8:30 pm

Place: Roller Magic, 4178 Albany Post Road, Hyde Park NY 12538

Cost: $50 (includes skate and equipment rental)

For more information contact puffybangs@hotmail.com.

“Put on some skates and be your own hero!”

Artwork by Marlene Bloomer

The Hudson Valley Horrors, the world’s first non-urban, flat-track women’s roller derby league, is looking for girls between the ages of 12-17 to be part of the Junior Roller Derby League!

We welcome girls of all shapes and sizes to come out and join in the grass-roots derby revival that has become a global phenomenon!  Roller Derby promotes a positive body image and encourages confidence!  This is a great way of getting your girls out from in front of the television or computer, and down with doing some physical activities, all while having fun!